COMFORTABLY NUMB

no italicised explanations for this one..its just a tad different from the usual venom that i spew..call it corny,i'll slit yer throat..heh heh..chill,just another attempt at being human..






Yup..i agree..massive plagiarism at work here.but hold on, I'm not just some Floyd fan right out of a wild eyed concert.its just this phrase that's kinda shapin up my existence right now.no dope,no alcohol(not even beer),no bhang...hell,not even lack of sleep.supposedly sane,after an aeon of feeling,no..being dead,just plain and simple downright dead..down to the blank level line and the pronounced blank monotone of the electrocardiogram..from there to being alive,actually alive with all the possible ramifications of the word..probably just like a baby when its first subjected to sunlight.that precise moment of wonder,its hard to categorise it as anything other than ecstasy.when ya lose count of time,when the roaches runnin across the room cease to get their regular importance(the lil feelers glowering in contempt),when ya manage to smirk at one fat, seemingly mutant mosquito coolly sippin off to yer health,when the woofer of the music system shifts from the center of the room to the middle of your tummy and ya love it,though it makes you wanna throw up..when ya breathe funny,when ya trip on plain air and wheeze thru it to make the trip go on,when just another song any other day might become a lifelong anthem,maybe as a celebration of a guilty admission(albeit fuckin demeaning..but fuck it)an admission that you're one hunfuckindred percent human..weak,afraid,dumbstruck,speechless,vulnerable and as an evidence of the fact that u're lovin it.I have a habit of drawin parallels to everything i generally talk about,be it an orgasm,heavy metal,speed...and a whole truckload of jackshit that i'd rather not delve in right now.. seven days of a complete stupor has been enough to make everything else evaporate from my memory(or whatever's left of it).i don't remember how many bhp the bugatti veyron generates,i've forgotten valentino rossi's last record at sepang...hell, i have no recollection of what the cover of Metallica's last album was like.my cellphone looks like a fuckin ufo..a fuckin orange dot in oblivion.i try wipin it off..try to come back to planet earth.a cold shower..an iced bathtub..nothin works.the worst part is,i'm not frantic to get out of it either.it ain't exactly sumthin that can be dismissed as a momentary lapse of reason (ok..crucify me,i'm a fuckin plagiarising prick,so what?? )because i know it shall go on,till i again pass the relay baton to the black oblivion that i'm just out of..and for good this time..but hey,am just out of it right now.the awakening has been more than gratifying..though not in the least bit vindictive.if i could actually encapsulate the the whole phenomenon at work inside me,it'd put a fuckin score of simultaneous chain supernovae(if there could be such a thing)to abject shame.it makes me wanna be a lil more than what i am.its like a realization that a good morning could be sumthin other than the clink of a zippo(fuckin bitch of a lighter's never gonna work now)and a billion others which are working furiously to negate every negative aspect of my life that i've so fervently believed in till now.the point is,i've never been this elated at seeing my sand castles being trampled on,shattered to bits..down to rubble and wet sand.regret has never been a part of my life,momentary maybe,but nothin that hasn't healed.i've never met a person who i could place as being more valuable to me than my zippo(fine..materialistic prick too!).but yeah,that's changing..dunno if its for better or worse,but every belief is being hot wired,rehashed,detonated(with all the permutations and combinations that you could probably imagine..).I stand right here,savouring the salted scars of the tidal wave that hit sumtime back,for a feeling that asked me to face it rather than spin around and run for shelter.I made it thru,survived..hell,more than that..a prize surfer woulda died of envy.am consciously choosing a human existence again,goin against hope and more importantly,precedence..finally steppin forward from my safe although reeking stagnant time warp.without any motive or agenda,its a hope that it shall not end to be an exercise in futility.thank you for being whatever you are.I love you.