FALLEN

"what makes mankind tragic is not that they are the victims of nature,it is that they are conscious of it.to be part of the animal kingdom under the conditions of this earth is very well- but soon as you know of your slavery,the pain,the anger,the strife,the tragedy begins."
-Joseph Conrad (1857-1924)
at the risk of sounding quite quite immodest,not every person around is searching for a higher plane here.most are satisfied with their space monkey profiles which involve pushing a button,pulling a lever..etcetera etcetera.and i believe now that its a good thing.ignorance is truly bliss.fuck.should have taken the blue pill and stayed in wonderland.kansas goin bye bye ain't exactly a pretty sight.and a higher plane here does not include excelling in one or more fields,its more about being at peace with oneself.very very marginalized maybe,but hey,who gives a fuck? i sincerely never used to [ the keyword here being used to..keep a track,i shall revert to it later]a vow was very much in place that i wouldn't give in to the matrix,that i'd take the first exit as soon as tank would get me one,that i'd never let the agents or the sentinels get hold of me,that i'd not die out as a fuckin fading,scratched duracell alkaline battery totally spent on the machines,that i'd have my niche sumwhere and whether it sucked or flourished i'd stick to it.pity,all of it just got up and left.
yup,jerry bruckheimer did leave and the finishing touches were provided by a certain Mr. kubrick (ref to context 'hoist the colors').there was a time,not so long ago wen dropping out of college was a brighter option than gettin a life sentence with a lawyer's gown.but nope,just one wrong move and everything that i used to live for,just died.there were no signs of a struggle,it just flopped over,gurgled,quivered for a fraction of a moment,and died.a certain elvis inside just left the building.and it didn't leave with a bang,hell it made less noise than an unsuspecting ant's fart.
there was a time in the not so distant past where the pleasure..or rather for the laxity of my limited vocabulary,where the exhilaration of living was present,where the unexpected ruled and was moreover,reveled in.where having no cash for food used to end up in eyeing the half eaten moth infested rotten apple on the road.where denims weren't made happening by designer cuts in them,but were made so by either blowtorching them or by having accidents where they'd strategically get ripped.the amazing symmetry within the obvious asymmetrical seeming decadence was too good to be true.where the high point of the day was not having done anything at all,where newspapers were given a perusal at five in the evening,the rhythm in the cacophony was laudable to say the least.the laugh for the day was when u got soap bars on birthdays and for everything that u said,the meek would just shake their heads in utter disbelief.where the high point of the evening used to be getting into a debate where u had no bearing and come out making the other person question his faith in his argument.where metallica was more of a faith and less of a rock band,where the boots used to be mud caked because puddles and walkin in the rain were as normal as rubbing your eyes in the mornin.where fighting a headache was increasing the volume on the stereo.where good coffee could be killed for,where smoking in the rain used to be a kick in the head,each drag takin me closer to my questionable nirvana,to a place where solitude used to be a sought after boon,not a curse as it seems to be today.where a vacation was a thought away,where the balls to go out without even a backpack or cash was what used to happen at the drop of a hat.where mornings were spent snoring and the nights were debate sessions,coffee sessions,travel sessions and more sessons.in effect,all of it has died out.where u used to look cool not to appeal to anybody else but to do justice to yer own frame of mind .